Holy Editorials, Caped Crusader!

Full disclosure here, in the interests of "Brutal Honesty".  I have not bought a copy of the New York Times in more years than I care to count.  I do read the occasional story that appears in that rag if (a) the paper is left behind on a park bench, the bus or subway or gets blown into my face by a gust of wind, or (b) I come across it as I wander around the internet like a virtual hobo picking up scraps as I go.  That was how I came across the bit of drivel that occasioned this, my own drivel.

It is, the found drivel, actually a well written piece I think as I read it.  But then, I also think, the author is a big cheese in what may still be called the "paper of record" in these Untied States, so why not?  He's none other than the soon not to be Executive Editor of the whole thing, and that doesn't get dropped on you because your french fries look good to your hungry pals.  So let's get ourselves straight, here, I tell myself.  Mr. Bill Keller is a wordsmith of more than normal skill, and his drivel.is a fine consomme, a superior vintage, a good cheese.  Even when it stinks, you wanna spread it on a nice cracker and polish it off with a swig of perfectly chilled Chablis, and maybe a strawberry.

Umm, before I go any further I'd just like to say that I have never met Bill Keller, and may never meet him on this side of the grass.  I am not subtle enough to talk about him being a big cheese and then mention stinky cheeses in the same paragraph as if I wanted the reader of anything I write to draw a conclusion therefrom about Mr. Keller and how he is or what he thinks, says, does or writes.  I don't.  For all I know, and I don't really care to, the fellow may smell like the flowers in May.

OK, so you've checked the link above and know whereof I speak.  I like the way he opens up with a kind of Common Man homage to guys like Breslin and all that: "If a candidate for president said he believed that space aliens dwell among us, would that affect your willingness to vote for him? Personally, I might not disqualify him out of hand; one out of three Americans believe we have had Visitors and, hey, who knows? But I would certainly want to ask a few questions. Like, where does he get his information?..."

Anyone who gets this far figures two things:  This is going to be a lighthearted, fanciful piece.  And, two, it's going to be about kooks and wing nuts, which is what I would have thought it was going to be if I don't already read something by "Bulldog" Bill Donohue of the Catholic League for Religious AND Civil Rights, or something.  The "Dog" takes a bite out of Bill Keller's keister because of what he does say in this column, and not what I think he might say.  You see Keller goes on at some length insinuating that folks who have  what might be called a personal relation with Jesus, and also are interested in being a candidate for president of the country oughta be very closely watched.  They all have googly eyes, he hints, and googlier ideas behind them.

I said Keller was good at what he does, and he is.  He never calls them wing nuts or whackos, at least not right out where guys like me can see, and maybe give him a punch in the nose for it.  He's a dancer, and he does a Fred Astaire, classy and cute, all around the thing.  Like here where he's talking about a questionnaire he says he sent to all of the Republican candidates for President which also includes some specific questions for each of them:  "My note to Representative Bachmann asked about the documentary produced last year by a group now known as Truth in Action Ministries, in which she espoused the idea that all money for social welfare should come from charity, not government taxation. Is that a goal she would pursue as president?"

Struggling Catholic that I am, I read that sentence about what Bachmann says and I try to figure out what's wrong with it.  Does Bill Keller say here that he thinks anyone who's a candidate for president in this day and age should run like hell away from anything connected with the Second Greatest Commandment?  Nah, he can't be that stupid, I think. But, I do wonder, as I'm thinking about this, if  Kathy Sebellius has some nekkid pictures of the guy he's trying to keep out of circulation.  I wonder, further, what's wrong with something like that?  I mean the charity thing, not Sebellius holding out on us all.  For instance, I think that all of the assistance given to folks in Muslim countries comes from, or through, the local mosques, and not from the deep pockets of Uncle Sammah down at the executive palace.  Does Bill Keller know this and would it suddenly change his mind about Bachmann, charity and welfare if he found out that, oh say, Hezbollah operates hospitals and schools and day care centers?  Who's the Progressive, here?

The article is full of those "Do you still beat your wife?" questions.  And, I can just see his follow up column about the ones they didn't answer, or the guys and girls who never even bothered to answer his questions.  A little further on he mentions a biography some guy wrote on Robert E. Lee.  The writer, he says, happened to think that white people and slaves in the South got along great because they all had the same religion.  News to me!  But then, because Bachmann liked the biography he thinks that she oughta be asked if she "stands by her recommendation of that biography" because the author thinks something crazy.  It takes me a second or two to connect the really spaced out (in every sense of the term) dots, here.  Like I said, he's good.  He's also a little crazy himself if he believes no one sees through it.  I mean if I could...

But, don't take my word for it.  I spent about ten minutes today seeing if anyone else was as amused as Bulldog Bill.  Well a few folks were.  One or two even tore themselves away from a good nap to mention something about it, here and here.  The second piece, by Francis Beckwith depressed me a little.  Do you want to know why?  You see, here I've been saying how good I thought Keller is at what he does, and it's like stage makeup; a little paint over sloppy and shabby stuff underneath.  And, this guy is a BIG CHEESE....at the New York Bleeping Times!!

Good Lord!

Oh, before I let you go I have to connect you with this piece from Commentary, a thing I rarely look at.  But this one is priceless, given that it talks about who's going to replace Keller as the Executive Editor.  Do take the time to read it, and maybe you'll want to send your own questionnaire to some of the maroons down there at the Gray Lady.